No way, Bale

I can't believe it, my good pal Christian Bale is gonna be in the next three Terminator movies. Wow.

Thanks BBC for breaking the news.

Crimes Against People with Disabilities

I felt a rush of disgust when I began to read a Quest article entitled "Crimes Against People with Disabilities." According to the article, most experts agree that the rate of violent crime is four to 10 times higher for people with disabilities than for the general public. Part of that statistic includes "hate crime" against people with disabilities. I was quite surprised. To identify myself as a member of the highest-risk group for abuse and violence is just unimaginable. But I soon realized that it was true.

The article blamed the society for holding double standards when it comes to confronting violence or abuse against people with disabilities: "Abuse and violence against [these] people is much more commonly accepted and less frequently punished than for other victim groups." Terms like "neglect," "euthanasia," or "professional misconduct" are often used instead of "assault," "homicide," or "battery."


The sad truth is that abuse and violence towards people with disabilities are usually less often reported, and few crimes end in conviction. These victims are also more vulnerable to long-lasting effects. According to one study, children with disabilities who had been sexually abused are significantly more likely to develop inappropriate anger, regression, and poor sense of personal safety than children without disabilities who had been similarly abused.

One reason why people with disabilities are easy targets for abuse and violence is because the abusers usually "recognize that they have a better chance of getting away." Displaced anger is another common trigger, where caregivers who are angry at more powerful figures in his or her own life redirect that anger "toward the vulnerable individuals to whom they provide care."

I have enough experience of my own to say that these situations do exist. While most people who know me may think that I am very independent and strong-minded, it was not always easy to exert authority over a caregiver when he or she mistreated me. Sometimes I empathize too much with the caregiver to the point where I say, "She must be under stress. I will just let it go this time." In a worse scenario, I simply do not have the physical strength to stop the abuse.

Just a few months ago my family and I had some trouble with my caregiver, and we gave her the option to either stay and change her attitude, or leave. She replied and asserted that it is all my decision: if I want her to stay, she'll stay; if not, she'll pack her bags and go. I remember how I had to refrain from shouting, and instead say calmly to her, "If you go, you know where I'll be? I'll be in this chair, waiting here all day, with both my parents at work, and no one to take care of me. You think it's that easy for me? I have to wait a month or two, or maybe more, to get a new helper. And I'll just fire you whenever I want to?"

Some people think it's easy to avoid abusive caregivers, but that's not always the case. For one, there are many out there whose only caregivers are their family! I have witnessed too many wives shouting at their husbands for being slow and lazy as they begin their routine in the physical therapy room following a stroke. When family members treat the disabled with little respect, few would expect better treatment from hired caregivers.


I can see that abusive behavior towards people with disabilities is an unsolved problem in my country, namely, Taiwan. With a growing population of foreign workers, many people with paralysis or stroke or congenital defects are being cared for by women from the Philippines, Vietnam, or Indonesia. While communication is sometimes made difficult by one's disability, more problems arise when the caregiver does not speak his or her language. In an Asian culture that does not have a very good track record on recognizing individuals' right to privacy, freedom, or human dignity, it is all the more difficult to raise awareness and stop abuse against people with disabilities.

It is human nature to pick on the weak--women, children, the elderly. But while numerous hotlines and shelters have been set up for these groups, so far I have never heard of an organization helping to combat abuse against people with disabilities. There should be more resources made available to both people with disabilities and their caregivers. Those with disabilities should know what their rights are and how they can look for help in case of abuse.

While we empathize with those who work hard to care for our daily needs, it is no excuse for abusive behavior. Whether psychological, verbal, or physical--abuse has to stop.

The instinct

This is one of the times when I can write nothing but my story--when I could use my mother's computer in my mother's room, but I choose instead to take my laptop from the bedside table, pull at the tangled cables, and drag it across the room to my desk beside the window. Three thirty is not a bad time considering the sunlight won't be hitting the screen directly as it would have an hour earlier. It's a rare moment, a time I've been dreaming and planning for, when I finally convince myself that I would sit down and write--I've always sat, but I seldom write.

Where could the story of my life begin when it has all but hit a dead end? That I begin a story with no ending is absurd. I always work backwards: to get to a restaurant, to finalize my registration, to convince a friend that she should not have sex, yet. Those are simpler things, when enough energy keeps me going and distractions keep me scatterbrained. Unfortunately being empty is a state of mind I've become acquainted with quite recently. No school, no homework, no daily social situations to be fussy about. I could imagine the look in my eyes when people ask me a question and I'm too tired to answer. It is the reflection of a drifter, a homeless wanderer. Not stemmed in pride, nor in self-righteousness. A tint of shame, then seclusion.

If only human existence could be so removed from labor and sweat. If only it makes perfect sense to make this lifestyle the norm.

Nihilism was not what I was driving for when I took my first breath and decided that I should survive. That instinct, the sign of good health and resilience, was what saved me before I even knew my life was threatened. But instincts turn into inclinations, and inclinations into obsessions. After all the labor, the fighting, and the "chasing of the dreams," it seems as if that crucial decision I made as an infant turned out to be a fraud. It seems, as if, I am now as alienated from myself as I would be if I'd crashed my first course and given up trying when I was two.

Vanity, vanity. That I should have known before I took the first step. That just because I couldn't run doesn't mean I have to walk twice as fast as people who could. Take life a moment at a time, didn't they used to say? But then they told me I didn't have too many moments, and so I grabbed and lived a moment as if it were three. Lived life to the fullest! Except it wasn't mine.

So many things can be condensed into a single thought, and so many thoughts into silence.

Newly endowed title as the Activist for Cheaper Concert Tickets (ACCT)

So there I was, already very upset the first time I called when I asked the customer service lady at Era Tickets if there were concert ticket discounts for people in wheelchairs. I had wanted to attend Andrea Bocelli's only concert in Taiwan on April 19, and the lady sounded as if she'd never heard of "special discounts" before. I got into a foul mood and asked sarcastically if it's reasonable that I have to purchase the most expensive seats in the stadium simply because it'll be hard to get wheelchairs up into the balcony. "There're no discounts, sorry." I wished I had slammed the phone down right then.

So when two weeks ago I called again to ask about Don McLean's concert in Taipei, I could feel my heart pounding and temperature rising as the lady not-so-politely explained that the concert venue is not wheelchair accessible anyway. I hadn't bothered to call when I heard about the James Blunt concert, and now they're turning me down again. She said I could probably get into the front area, but that means I'll have to pay $4000 when the cheapest tickets start from $1200. On top of that, my helper wouldn't get any discounts either. Oh right, that's really fair, I wanted to say. I asked the lady if she's sure the organizers are really not offering any discounts because of "safety concerns," or because they just hadn't thought of wheelchairs users like me. But I was on Skype and somehow the call was disconnected. I was angry as hell.

Not giving up, I quickly opened my gmail and wrote out a short but slightly passive-aggressive email to Era Tickets. Till today I have not heard a word in reply. Luckily, it somehow occurred to me as I was writing the email that I should forward the email to Taipei Government too. I did. The next day I got a call.

The lady at the Taipei City Department of Social Welfare told me that she had called Era Tickets and the concert venue, namely, the stadium at National Taiwan University. The staff at the sports stadium told her that as long as I inform the personnel when I arrive, there's a way to get me inside the stadium. Era Tickets was only selling the tickets on behalf of the organizers, so they gave the lady their contact number. The person who picked up the phone at the organizers' office (a Miss Wu) didn't know how to answer the social welfare lady, but said I could give them a direct call later and they'll try to sort things out.

So I got their number. Unfortunately by the time I called, the lady has left the office and her colleague said she'll call me back later. I left my number, but the next day was a holiday. By the next Monday I was so busy every day that I never found time to call them before 5 p.m. Then it was Thursday, and just before noon I got the call.

"Is this Elaine?" The voice asked. She didn't even explain who she was, but instead continued: "We just want to inform you that wheelchair tickets for the Don McLean concert cost $1200 each and are in the front area, on the North and South sections. There will be a seat for your helper. Just fax us the order form along with your disability card."

When I put down my cell phone I pumped my fists in the air and let out a shout. I fought the law, and the law lost!!!

By the way, if you go online now to order the Don McLean concert tickets, you'll see this line below the order sheet:

Important Notice: There are no actual seats for wheelchairs. It is open only to wheelchair users and one companion (order directly from Era Tickets only). General public please do not purchase, thank you.

I am still not quite sure if I'll go, because it's in Taipei and my parents are rather busy. But I had to put this on my blog and share it with my friends. You have no idea how difficult it is for people with disabilities to get justice even today. I could have exploded into a thousand pieces if the lady at the Department of Social Welfare had not pursued it with such vigor. On behalf of all the concert-goers in wheelchairs, I say "Thank you Miss Su M. W. You make us all proud."

Philosophy of Life

The most important thing is to live, not driven by bitterness, public, opinion, or greed, but by an innermost desire to thrive like an adventurer, tirelessly journeying on a quest to find the Spring of life. It is a journey of shedding the old self and seeing ever more clearly the reflection of who I am, what others need, and why God loves us all.

"To God I give my life" is my personal motto, and it is the principle I strive to live by. I want to live and work and experience life both in the way God wants me to, and in the way He wants all humans beings to. Each life appears on several scopes of schemes, and thus the meaning of life is found in multiple definitions and footnotes. Though I fail--and fail even more as I try harder, it is the range of multidimensional perspectives that I've come to love.

It's the notion that I can keep God's commandments in the most traditional ways yet still have the surest fun and joy and laughter. It is being so sure of one's way of life as one pleasing to God, yet knowing full well that I am nothing without the grace, mercy and compassion of others, and of Christ. It is in striking this balance that I hope to continue my life. Otherwise, this journey is just a serial bouts of interspersing joy and pain that have oftentimes proved too miserable and hopeless.

Where do I see myself in 10 years' time? To be sure, two friends talking with me one day were shocked when I answered that question in one word, "Dead." I have lost the naivety to believe that my body will always hold out beneath me, yet at the same time I have never lost the conviction that life is worth the living and there is always hope in seeing another beautiful day go by.

How do I want people to remember me? As a girl who loves to think, to ponder, to wonder, and to taste the sweetness of life, even in the face of bitter truth. My vision in life is to reflect the love of Christ when He said, "I will not leave you like orphans."

- Elaine 2006 Spring
SWAU Sorke Philosophy of Life project

Today is the first anniversary of the passing of my aunt Nancy. I thank God for life.

80 Years of Best Films

In honor of the 80th Academy Awards, I decided to go over the Best Films of the past 80 years and see how many I've seen. The result? 23 out of the 80 Best Films. If I count all the nominees in that category, then I've seen 64. The most recent being Joe Wright's Atonement, and the oldest Gone With the Wind, the classic released in 1939.

There are some movies that I didn't even know were Best Film nominees. Anyway, here are some of the most memorable: