elaine and the rest of the world

The dialogue between two Romantics

2009-08-10T17:38:00.004+08:00

Hi. I've seen your video. It's really kind of meaning video ... definitely romantic and maybe a bit philosophic ...
It says more than the images and the words!
thank you
if you've heard America's NPR programs before, you'll probably notice I'm trying to mimic their way of speaking
... pointing towards something that can sometimes be so elusively called a inner Romance.... Ha.
Yeah. My testimonial that Elaine you're a true romantic person!
lol
I am, ain't I?
I remember telling you long time ago that I love the Romantic period
.. haa. According to my experience in watching your video.
guess this proves I am a romantic
No. I don't remember.
You said you like Shelley
or Byron
and I said I liked William Wordsworth
I only vaguely remember you detest poets like Byron and those belongs to the Santic schools ....
Oh.
Shelley eludes me
Well.. my memory fails. That's why I am now called a middle-aged man.
hahaha.
Glad that you like those guys.
They represent my fiery youth.

many a nights and many a days under some trees in some wild gardens, and eiher with some moonlight or some starlight, I just opened their verses and savored the joy and melancholy of being a ... what?
lol
wow did you just compose that out of your head?
i like it
But this fire will remain, believe me, if you're a true romantic, till the end of world... Ha.
I was really a Byron and Shelly fan and a big big Blake fan... Before I really knew Shakespeare.
it's so good to talk to someone who loves the romantics

Yeah. They are not shallow or just melancholy good-for-nothing.
They are the true spirit of this world.
btw, can i ask... what do you know about the interpretation and translation business in Taiwan? i'm graduating next year (next month i'll be a senior in XXX)
yes
but you know
i just heard a short philosophy discussion on ABC (Australia) and they were talking about the influence of the Romantic period on today's rock music
Yea.
and they mentioned how romantics who grow old tend to stray away from romanticism
because they realize romanticism can't take them much anywhere
and well... I think it can give me very good training.
that's why Nietzsche turned away from romanticism
but don't stick it out for too long.
Yeah
ok, back to the business thing
But look what does rationalism take us to? More Co2 and more dissolved ice shelf in the Arctic region...
i am taking some courses in interpretation and translation next semester
true
We don't need computer or car to accelerate human life up to 1000 x speed of what we ought to live.
and i've done both. and i don't know, wondering if i should make it my career
and also, what do you think of graduate schools in taiwan -- as an english major?
Well. yo can try to do that no prob, cuz yo've got the really good talent in language...
i totally suck in chinese
only that it might bore yo just 1 or 2 years maybe.
u mean i shouldn't do it long term?
Well... what i mean is that it is really sedentary.. unless you like this type of tranquility...
but really some would like this translation job very much... and stick to it for whole life and have good reputation and contribution to literary sector...
can be a meaningful career...
much better than a stock broker or a banker... or a lawyer...
these jobs has no value in God's eyes.
but translation can be really good to society.
hmm
i didn't know what to feel when i read that. i think i've secretly felt that translator/interpreter is a rather second-rate job
like, it's becos of my disability and becos i couldn't find other jobs that would accommodate my needs
Maybe, but really you don't have to feel any other way than whether you like it or not.. well just like I would love to be a classic painist.. but alas, when I found that out I was 30.
Ce'st la vie.
But don't have to judge yourself or your job according to worldly value.
Job is very simple - a job is a means to support your meaning in this life -
for me the meaning is to happiness in my own way.
No more and no less.
Mission and achievement... yes if they come in same direction with my happiness if not... come on... life is short and not everyone is a genius. let genius do his job and... if I am, let me do my job.
If I am not, let me have fun.

you think there's a market in Taiwan for this job?
and enough pay to sustain myself financially?
But well... you can never be wrong if start it out as a translator/interpreter... it's a good job... time frame is free, although maybe long... and efforts is hard yet can be more or less paced out by yourself..
Only that you have to manage your clients seriously...
so that you can have a constant source and wont' be worried about whether you can make the amount of money that can not only support your care person or even something more luxury like a trip or spa abroad something...
so, like, self-employed
self-managed
you can gradually cultivate your business and I believe... with diligence and also some business know-hows... you can do that.
or you can go into online tutor broker biz and well. that's even more lucrative.
huh
i really think i shouldn't go into business
not my cup of tea
Well. you come to know what you like or not like...
yup
well thanks a lot
that's very insightful for me
what you said
i shall ponder about my future as i spend my last year in college
hooray!
Yeah. Relax and let your heart speak.
then yo'll hear many beautiful voices you never heard.
i can totally see that as how a romantic mentors a romantic
lol
Only a romantic can know what a romantic talks and think.
lol
We know that without having to speak a word. Good.

The Man I Would Want to Marry

2009-08-10T17:07:00.007+08:00

Watch my video on Youtube! Entitled "The Man I Would Want to Marry." Me revealing the long-kept secret of who I wanted to marry back in 2000.

Vlog: My Biggest Challenge

2009-07-21T16:18:00.005+08:00

I have begun a weekly vlog on Youtube. This is my third vlog. Hope you enjoy it.

NYT excerpt on Iranian protests

2009-06-23T09:19:00.004+08:00

Source: The Lede Blog, New York Times
Writer: Nazila Fathi (Tehran)

It was hot in the car, so the young woman and her singing instructor got out for a breath of fresh air on a quiet side street not far from the anti-government protests they had ventured out to attend. A gunshot rang out, and the woman, Neda Agha-Soltan, fell to the ground. “It burnt me,” she said before she died.

The bloody video of her death on Saturday –circulated in Iran and around the world — has made Ms. Agha-Soltan, a 26-year-old whom her relatives said was not political, an instant symbol of the anti-government movement. Her death is stirring wide outrage in a society that is infused with the culture of martyrdom — although the word itself has become discredited because the government has pointed to the martyrs’ death of Iranian soldiers to justify repressive measures.

Ms. Agha-Soltan’s fate resonates particularly with other women, who have been at the vanguard of many of the protests throughout Iran. “I am so worried that all the sacrifices that we made in the past week, the blood that was spilled, would be wasted,” said one woman today who came to mourn Ms. Agha-Soltan outside Niloofar mosque here. “ I cry every time I see Neda’s face on TV.”

Opposition Web sites and television channels, which Iranians view with satellite dishes, have repeatedly aired the video, which shows blood gushing from her body as she dies.

On the Web site The Daily Beast, an Iranian university student explains that, in his family, the video has exposed the deep rift in the way younger Iranians look outside the state-run media for the truth, while their parents and grandparents may not. Telmah Parsa writes:

After watching the video my brother’s eyes were full of tears. I was too incensed to cry. But not everyone was disturbed by the video.

“That’s what comes from pouring into the streets,” was my mother’s casual reaction when I showed her the clip. My mother is hardly a callous person. On Friday, when the Supreme Leader declared in his nationally broadcast sermon that he is willing to give his life for “upholding Islam,” my mother—like most people listening, including a prayer hall filled with grown men—wept.

She was not touched by the video of Neda because it was not compatible with her essential presumptions. [...] Her offhand reaction, however, offended me. She was quick to detect my indignation. “Son, you and your brother have been brainwashed by the Western media…Why do you believe everything they say?” This is our parents’ typical line when they encounter the deep chasm that separates our way of thinking. [...]

My brother and I often forget that the state-run TV is almost the only way our parents, like many Iranians of their generation, get information. The state knows this very well. [...]

As for the current protests, the state-run TV refers to the demonstrators as “mobs.” Broken shops and burned cars are the only parts of the protests the regime TV is prepared to air. Interviews show people in the street complaining that “mobs” have ruined their businesses and students who cannot study because of the noise the “mobs” make. What is never even implied in the TV is that hundreds of thousands of Iranians in major cities are marching peacefully in the streets to show their lack of trust in the state-announced election results. Nor will the clip of Neda’s murder ever make the airwaves.

Autobiography (for the Dr. Doris Brougham Scholarship)

2009-06-11T11:09:00.002+08:00

When I look back at my life, I can hardly believe how many times I have had to literally pick myself up after a bad fall. As a child, my body was weak and fragile because of congenital muscular dystrophy. Although I could walk, I could not run, jump, or ride a bike. I fell down easily if I wasn’t watching my steps, and I needed someone to help me up after a fall.

When I was eight, I had a surgery performed near my right ankle to lengthen a contracting tendon, and that was when I got my first wheelchair, donated by the hospital. After spending two months with my leg in a cast, I was finally free of the cast and the wheelchair. The mischief of my eight-year-old mind, though, got the better of me.

One afternoon, I told my brother to tie a rope around the armrests of the wheelchair and pull me like a carriage up the road in front of our house in Nantou County. He did, but in no time we found out how dangerous our plan was. As my brother pulled me up the hill, my wheelchair suddenly tipped forward and I hit my forehead on the asphalt pavement. I started crying. Mother ran out of the house and pulled me out from between the tangled ropes, all the while scolding us for doing such a foolish thing. That incident, however, did not stop me from my experimentations.

In 1995, my family moved to Singapore because of my father's work as a church minister. By the time I entered secondary school in Singapore, muscular dystrophy had weakened my body so that I spent most of my waking hours in a wheelchair. My classmates in the girls' school took wonderful care of me--pushing me around campus, carrying books for me, and even bringing me to the bathroom. One day, a few weeks after school started, I asked my classmates to let go of my wheelchair on top of the gentle slope by the cafeteria. It was such a thrill! But a teacher saw us and informed our form teacher. During class later that day, the form teacher told us never to do that again. I sighed, and reluctantly agreed.

In those first few years of being confined to a wheelchair, I took a couple more falls before I finally gave up those thrilling rides. In 2000, when I was fourteen years old, I developed severe scoliosis that began affect my heart and lungs. The doctors said that surgery was necessary, but my congenital condition would complicate the process. After extensive research and support from family and friends, I finally had the operation in Loma Linda, California.

The surgery was a success. With two metal rods hooked around my spine, I no longer experienced back pain or breathing problems--and I was done with risky wheelchair tricks. After returning to Taiwan in 2001 and finishing my high school through distance learning, I went to Texas for my freshman year of college. The memories still bring smiles to my face.

Now in my junior year at Fu Jen University, I have grown to be a composed, studious young lady. My classmates and teachers sometimes describe me as being mature beyond my years, but I know better. Maybe I don't rush down slopes in my wheelchair anymore, but beneath the surface still lurks an insatiable desire for all things fun and crazy. After all, I've learnt this over the years: pick yourself up after a fall, and, really, it's going to be okay.

Nostalgia in "Poor Joanna" and "The Hermitage"

2009-04-07T22:16:00.005+08:00

History comes alive through the process of remembrance. In the chapters "Poor Joanna" and "The Hermitage" in Sarah Orne Jewett's The Country of the Pointed Firs, the recollection of Joanna's life illustrates how nostalgia is experienced through storytelling between the women of Dunnet Landing.

There are several characteristics about nostalgia that can be gathered from the conversations between Mrs. Todd, Mrs. Fosdick, and the narrator. The most obvious is perhaps the setting where these stories were told.

The telling of the tale in "Poor Joanna" began when the narrator invited Mrs. Todd and her old friend Mrs. Fosdick into her room to keep her company. Mrs. Todd took to her knitting "because Mrs. Fosdick was busy with hers." When Mrs. Fosdick alluded to the name of Joanna for the first time, she said, "I was talking o' poor Joanna the other day… Mis’ Brayton an’ I recalled her as we sat together sewing." It seems that nostalgia and memory were evoked when women gathered in a house or a room, engaged in the quiet activity of clothe-making. It gave them the chance to talk, listen, and reminisce about the past.

Looking back together, these women might begin a conversation with a general memory of town in the past, but their retrospection often narrowed to a single focal person. In "Poor Joanna," as Mrs. Todd and Mrs. Fosdick sat knitting, each in their rocking-chairs, they began to talk about Shell-heap Island, first about the rumors of the "Old Indian times," which evoked a recollection of the day and age when whaling voyages existed and there were many "queer folks" and "a good many curiosities of human natur'" in their neighborhood. After lamenting the rise of "copy-cats" through the years, Mrs. Fosdick alluded to the name for the first time.

Both Mrs. Fosdick and Mrs. Todd knew Joanna, which gave them a deep sense of connection as they reflected on the life of this hermit. As Mrs. Fosdick puts it, "It does seem so pleasant to talk with an old acquaintance that knows what you know... Conversation’s got to have some root in the past." Thus, from Mrs. Fosdick's point of view, nostalgia is more than a lonely, imaginative journey to the past; it is joint visit to a historical time and place. It is as much about deepening the present relationship with each other as it is about recalling the past. As the narrator observed later, "The two women had drawn closer together, and were talking on, quite unconscious of a listener."

Talking about the past can be an emotional experience, yet the women were seldom afraid to show their feelings. The narrator noted that, at the mention of Joanna's name, Mrs. Todd lost "her sad reserve in the growing sympathy of these reminiscences." In other places, the narrator described how Mrs. Todd either "sadly shook her head as if there were things one could not speak about," was "confused by sudden affectionate feeling," or spoke "sorrowfully," "soberly," or "mournfully" about her contact with Joanna. As for Mrs. Fosdick, she fidgeted "with eagerness to speak" and "leaned back in her rocking-chair and gave a heavy sigh." Once, she asked Mrs. Todd what Joanna said, and the narrator described Mrs. Fosdick as "much moved." The visitor told her old friend: "Hearin' you tell about Joanna brings the time right back as if 't was yesterday."

Indeed, the women's conversations brought back memories of a time so long ago, but in their old age, these women have taken on new perspectives on old stories. In an earlier conversation, the narrator speculated that "by the polite absent-minded smile on Mrs. Todd’s face [the story Mrs. Fosdick was telling] was no new story." This was probably true, too, with the story of Joanna, but Mrs. Fosdick admitted a change of attitude towards Joanna: "I called her a great fool, but I pitied her then, and I pity her far more now… Her troubles hurt her more than she could bear. I see it all now as I couldn’t when I was young." Even though there were more peculiar personalities in Dunnet Landing in the past, the women were not necessarily very understanding of Joanna's situation and choice. Nevertheless, Mrs. Fosdick remarked that she could "see it all now," with a new comprehension that did not exist when she was younger.

All these features mentioned above characterize the experience of nostalgia among the women of Dunnet Landing. There are of course other aspects of nostalgia that can be explored, including the attention to details and the significance of objects and locations in evoking these memories. But they are secondary when we want to focus on how the women reminisce, rather than what. As exemplified in the entire work by Sarah Orne Jewett, human connection is at the heart of all stories. It is both the reason and the means through which we bring back the past.

A Question

2009-03-09T12:20:00.000+08:00

Is it okay
to start the day
by crying?
For the way life is
and was
and what it may become tomorrow.

The night's sad sight
has long gone by,
but it overruns
into the sunlight.
And so I allow myself
to start the day

by crying.

Meeting Philip Glass

2009-03-08T18:48:00.021+08:00

Last night I had the pleasure to attend the Taiwan debut of Philip Glass's work Book of Longings: Song Cycle Based on the Poetry and Artwork of Leonard Cohen at the National Concert Hall. It was a very pleasant evening, one of the most enjoyable performances I can remember, and it cast a wondrous spell on me by almost making me believe that I was watching the performance in a theater in New York City on a cold winter night.

Book of Longings is a sophisticated piece of art, featuring 22 songs in 90 minutes, integrating elements of poetry, music, visual art, and vocal performances. On the mostly darkened stage, the eight instrumentalists and a quartet resemble what you might see in a high-end bar in Chicago, New York, or Paris. Or more probably, a private performance for a group of fifty VIPs. It felt intimate, even from the 32nd row.

The first song made an especially strong impression on me. The song was called I Can't Make the Hills. The song set the tone for the rest of the night, but mostly it was Leonard Cohen's deep baritone voice reciting his poem, set to an eerily affecting music, that sent chills down my spine and made me fall in love with the work. At that instant, I felt an overwhelming gratefulness to have come to the performance. I knew I was going to enjoy the evening.

I had been looking forward to that particular evening for several weeks already ever since I listened to an interview with Philip and Leonard at the Aurora Forum at Stanford University, and became fascinated with the two men. Being a movie lover, I knew the name of Philip Glass and have heard some of his movie scores, but Leonard Cohen was a complete stranger to me. It was only through the interview that I realized how famous and prolific this Canadian singer-songwriter-poet-novelist had been all this while. The way Philip and Leonard talked in the interview---as incredibly talented collaborators would, but collaborators who respected each other so deeply they credited the success of their work on the brilliance of the other---their conversation immediately inspired in me an awe for the two men and their love of art.
At the concert, I felt like I was an ardent fan of Mr. Glass meeting him for the first time. I was so thrilled when I heard that Philip Glass was signing autographs at the ground floor after the performance. When the performers were giving their final bow before a cheering audience, my father and I slipped away to the ground floor and found ourselves in a mostly empty room in front of the ticketing booth. A lady handed us a small plastic card that read National Concert Hall, No. 1.

About 20 minutes later and with 40 more people lined up behind us, Philip Glass came out through a side door and everyone clapped. The staff ushered him to the autograph table, and another lady motioned me to come forward. I went up with my big coat on my lap and several program sheets in my left hand, and fumbled a bit as I handed him the DVD cover of the documentary about him, Glass: A Portrait of Philip in Twelve Parts. At close range, I took in his whole wrinkled face with his big eyes and slightly crazy hair. He could very well have been a passer-by I met in Paris, or perhaps my favorite uncle in an alternate life. But he is Philip Glass, and I was star-struck.

I thanked him for signing his autograph, and told him that I love his work. He said thank you, very kindly. "This is a wonderful crowd tonight," he said.

Meeting Philip Glass was one of those moments that, for ten minutes afterwards, you couldn't stop smiling, and which you had to remind yourself to wipe the smile off your face every time you thought of it for the next 24 hours. But it was quite an odd feeling too, that the morning after an evening enjoying the collaboration between a 71-year-old composer and a 74-year-old poet, I found myself in the hospital with my grandmother, my parents, and several aunts and uncles, discussing whether my frail 83-year-old grandfather should have a bypass heart surgery.

The sum of a man's life can be expressed so beautifully in poetry and music, but it seems to require a certain number of years in a man's life to gather the wisdom to do so.

By the way

2008-12-25T21:22:00.003+08:00

I'll just put this on my blog as a Christmas special. My favorite West Wing characters... Da-dah!

Toby
C.J.
Josh
Leo
Donna
Sam

Toby is actually the first person I liked when I started watching the West Wing, followed by C.J., who is the coolest Press Secretary ever. Josh is wonderfully clever; Leo is practical and wise; Donna is sweet but capable; and Sam is handsomely naive and funny. Yup, that's my team. Probably the best ensemble cast ever.

For Your Consideration:

2008-12-25T21:06:00.006+08:00

Do you think there is something fundamentally wrong with the society you live in?

Do you think there is something fundamentally wrong with your life right now?

Comment and share.

The Great Plagiarism Scandal!

2008-12-11T16:03:00.010+08:00

Should I be outraged that my professor from the English Department repeatedly gave students essay topics taken directly from websites without telling us about it? I discovered this today while I was brainstorming for my argumentative essay and I typed in the words "argumentative essay" on Google. Imagine my surprise when I immediately recognized the third hit on the results page as something I've read before--in class. Turns out, this is a website from a Turkish university, and most of the second half of the webpage was included in a handout we were given two weeks ago, word for word, including the badly written sample at the end about Reiki and health. I thought, Why is my professor taking samples from Google's search results page?

I went back through my "Junior Composition" file and took out all the handouts we were given in class. Referring to those papers, I typed in their key words on Google and clicked on any suspicious results. When I typed in "sample literature review," the first hit was the sample we were given on Tuesday. Our handout included the sample and discussion questions at the top.

Next, I thought I'd try finding the four argumentative essay topics we were given this week, and guess what? They're all taken from the Internet! Well, first I was taken to Yahoo! Answers, where someone included three of our essay topics in his answer list(posted 4 weeks ago). The person gave a link at the bottom of his answer, and when I clicked on it, sure enough I found all four essay questions--on a website named Good Essay Topics.

For your reference, these are the four argumentative essay topics we were given, copied and pasted word for word (from my handout or from Good Essay Topics, take your pick):

1. We are becoming overwhelmingly dependent on computers. Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

2. Technology makes communication easier in today's world. Many people choose to work at home in front of a computer screen. What danger does the society face depending on computer screens rather than face-to-face contact as the main means of communication? Are we the prisoners of the progress?

3. Advertising: Information or Manipulation?

4. Should restrictions be placed on the use of mobile phones in public areas like restaurants and theaters?

By the way, when the professor handed out the essay topics on Tuesday, a classmate pointed out that in Taiwan, there are already restrictions placed on the use of mobile phones in public areas. The professor said he didn't know. Could it be that if he had in fact created his own topics for his students in Taipei, Taiwan, he would have come up with something more relevant and debatable?

I am seriously concerned about this because, first of all, the fact that our English professors are taking essay questions from these websites reveal something about us. Is 'Good Essay Topics' such a prestigious and credible website that our Department endorses using their data word-for-word in teaching and giving class assignments? Or perhaps it reveals something about the educational standard in our university where samples and questions are copied directly from the Internet?

We've all been told over and over again how plagiarism is illegal and how you should always cite your sources. Why is it then that my professor never told us our essay topics were taken from the Internet? I include the page 'Works Cited' at the end of all my essays and papers because we're supposed to give credits where it's due. Why then, does the professor not need to cite his sources as he hands out guidelines and samples week after week? Also, if all the material is online, what's the need to go to class? Just give me the damn topics and I can go figure myself!

This class, by the way, is the composition class required of all juniors in the English Department. No one graduates without taking this class. In other words, the Department thinks good composition skills are so necessary that it's making everyone take this class without exception! Which adds a lot to my bewilderment.

Maybe this explains why most of the samples we've read are really, quite frankly, in bad taste, and also why most students still don't know how to write a proper essay. I don't know if it is an ethical, acceptable practice among university professors, or just a long hidden secret that professors hope no one will ever discover. I wonder what the Department Chair thinks about this. Or perhaps the Ministry of Education. Is this proof that the quality of our university education has hit a new low? I wonder, I wonder, I wonder...

Elaine would like to work in the West Wing

2008-11-27T21:05:00.012+08:00

It is true. Elaine found her idea of a perfect job and workplace in The West Wing. She would really like to work in such an environment, where every day is a challenge and every challenge a new dawn. Fast-paced, exciting, and confrontational--maybe that's the lifestyle she desires. But for now all this exists in a dream. She believes she'd drop dead if she ever has to endure such routines for more than three days.

The Question of Achieving

2008-11-11T20:32:00.009+08:00

When the question of what I'm going to do after graduation came up during a chat with a friend, he commented that people probably wouldn't mind if I just stayed at home and did not work.

"That's just the public opinion of this small society," he said, referring to himself. I had told him how hard it was when I tried to find work during my year off from college. Then he asked, "Do your parents expect you to work? Are you pressured to find work?"

"No, I don't think I'm pressured." I said. "I understand why some people would accept me as a stay-at-home girl-with-severe-disability, but when you consider how my family pours in tens of thousands of dollars to hire a full-time caretaker for me, and how much it cost for all the special transportation and whatnot, wouldn't you feel a little guilty if you just stayed at home and not work, and have your parents take care of you for the rest of your life?"

"I didn't realize it cost so much to hire a caretaker." He said. "So yes. But still, I'm sure some people will still find it okay for you not to work."

Being Disabled

I agreed, because in Taiwan I know many people with physical disabilities who make a living making handicrafts from their homes or selling lottery tickets on the streets. Others simply do not work at all. Most live with their parents or siblings and receive meager subsidies each month from the government. In the eyes of the society, that is how disabled people live; there is no need to look surprised.

Later that night, I told my friend that, growing up, I have always had the urge to prove people wrong--to show them that I can do more and achieve more than just making the minimum wage and owning a bank account with the government's money in it. In a way, I truly believed I could. After all, I am a globetrotter who has lived in Singapore and America and who has communicated successfully with the French, Italians, Germans, Swiss, and the Spanish on at least one occasion. If and when I graduate, I will hold a degree from a well-known university in Taiwan, and my report card will confirm my status as cream of the crop. I should have many more doors opened to me than most people with disabilities, or even those without... But I have doubts--serious doubts--because I cannot imagine it; I cannot imagine what it's like to be successful because, quite frankly, I don't know if I want to be.

Achieving

Now, you have to understand: I have long struggled between achieving what I want and thanking people for helping me achieve. This is no small task, considering how dependent I am on other people and how much love I've received from my family and friends. I would describe myself as rather sensitive, and so when I have so many people loving me and helping me, I can easily feel overwhelmed. It's the emotions, you see. The only thing is, well, usually I get overwhelmed with guilt.

Some may not see the connection between guilt and a mediocre career, but I do. In an age like ours when marketing yourself is the first step to garnering a good spot in the workplace, a person with serious self-doubts simply do not sit well with the heads. Who wants a girl anyway who is always preoccupied with trying not to disturb her colleague in the next cubicle while all the while devising ways to pick up the sticky note with her toes? She hasn't learnt to draw the line between her needs and the needs of others, and that is the problem; I believe her overcompensation is the reason she does not achieve.

Fear

After all the analysis, I have to say that I still don't quite have the answer to whether I should be expected to work or not. There is of course the obvious question of whether a certain job or office would be able to accommodate my needs. But then the other question remains: Do I want and believe and choose to be competitive and responsible for my success? As Franklin D. Roosevelt famously said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

Am I hindered by my circumstances? Or am I just afraid to succeed? It is up to my choice, I guess, but it is a tough choice. I'll have to think more about it tonight. Good night.

Politics and Language

2008-09-30T19:46:00.014+08:00

Perhaps because of my Intro to Linguistics class this year, I found myself beginning to pay close attention to the usage of language around me, and nothing has puzzled me more than the speech pattern of Republican vice president candidate, Alaskan governor Sarah Palin. Her body language has been analyzed by a body language expert on ABC, and of course her infamous interview with Katie Couric on CBS parodied into an opening skit on SNL. My greatest concern, though, is the fact that I have difficultly understanding her sentences.

I honestly think that Palin needs to brush up on her grammar and syntax, because her sentences are at best awkwardly structured. Look at this:

And as Ronald Reagan used to talk about, America being the beacon of light and hope for those who are seeking democratic values and tolerance and freedom. I see our country being able to represent those things that can be looked to... as that leadership, that light needed across the world. (with Katie Couric)

If I were to express those ideas, I would say it this way:

And as Ronald Reagan used to say, America is the beacon of light and hope for those who are seeking democratic values, tolerance, and freedom. I see our country as being able to represent those things that people can look to. We can be that leadership--that light that is needed around the world.

Another example comes from the often-quoted segment on CBS about Alaska's proximity to Russia:

That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and, on our other side, the land--boundary that we have with Canada...

That--as your English Compo teacher might have told you--is just poor sentence structure. Recall your lessons on "Clauses," "Avoiding Fragments," and "Fused Sentences," and you'll quickly realize that this very example would have gotten a very poor grade if it had been graded.

First of all, try to avoid starting a sentence (or a paragraph) with "that"--it will just mess up your structure later. I obviously broke this rule in the paragraph above ("That is just poor sentence structure"), but it's okay because the sentence makes perfect sense! To understand it better, consider the fact that "that" can be used as a demonstrative pronoun, or, as Palin used it, to introduce a restrictive clause. Palin's example is definitely not used as a pronoun. So what she did basically, was giving Couric the answer in a clause, rather than a sentence!

As she should have known, linguistically, you don't have to start your answers with "that" simply because the question ended with the word, "that" (Couric: "What did you mean by that?"). Palin could have phrased it this way: "Well, because Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between Russia, a foreign country, and of course, on the other side, we have Canada." Again, the answer is lame, but at least it will score higher on the sentence structure.

My last example, and perhaps the most overt, is a sentence that ends with a preposition:

Our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I am the executive of.

Of course, everyday speech can be very different from, say, an essay. But still... "There in the state that I am the executive of"? Not only is that an awkward sentence, it's outright wrong! Those foreign countries are not in the state of which she is the executive commander! They are its neighboring countries!. She probably meant to say "beside the state"--not "in the state."

Oh well, so this is about as much as I'm going to write on this topic. I understand perfectly that Palin's nervousness may have contributed to her messy sentences, but if she messes up this easily and this much, I think she is in a lot of trouble. People will have a hard time getting the gist of what she's saying, with all those long, compound sentences, and she will come off as foolish and incomprehensible.

I'd like to see how she does in the debate on Friday, because I really want to hear her discourse. Maybe I'll find more gaffs, or maybe I won't. All I know is that if Palin has gotten a second-language speaker like me picking on her English, she better make improvements. Or it'll just go to show how America has fallen behind the rest of the world. English is your language, so please, speak English properly.

Book List for 2008-2009

2008-08-23T21:31:00.006+08:00

ULYSSES by James Joyce
THE GREAT GATSBY by F. Scott Fitzgerald
A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG MAN by James Joyce
CATCH-22 by Joseph Heller
THE SOUND AND THE FURY by William Faulkner
1984 by George Orwell
THE CATCHER IN THE RYE by J.D. Salinger
WAR AND PEACE by Leo Tolstoy

Elaine's Movie Picks

2008-08-23T18:44:00.024+08:00

Top 10 Saturday Night Movies

The Matrix
Terminator 2: Judgment Day*
Jerry Maguire
Field of Dreams
My Best Friend's Wedding
Ocean's Eleven
The Negotiator
Batman Begins
Ransom
Deja Vu

Top 10 Movies That Yell "Quality" (Artistically)

Atonement (I could watch this movie over and over again. And if there ever was an actress who made me feel like smoking was cool, it's Keira Knightley as Cecilia)
Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Airbus*
Pride and Prejudice
The Remains of the Day
The Godfather (One of the best films ever made that I actually understood why it was so good)
A Beautiful Mind
Citizen Kane
The Wind that Shakes the Barley
Dancer in the Dark
American Beauty

Top 10 Best Comedy Movies, Dark or Normal

The Royal Tenenbaums* (One of the best dramatic dark comedies I've seen)
Spaceballs
As Good As It Gets
Stranger Than Fiction
My Best Friend's Wedding
Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (There couldn't be a worse movie if you didn't find it funny)
Hot Shots
Mrs. Doubtfire
Over the Hedge ("Rosebud!")
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Top 12 Best Pop Culture Movies

Ghostbusters
E.T.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Die Hard
Jurassic Park
The Matrix*
Star Wars
Edward Scissorhands
2001: Space Odyssey
Citizen Kane
Titanic

Top 12 Movies That Make You Think (About the World or Its People)

Chance or Coincidence
Dancer in the Dark
The Wind that Shakes the Barley*
The Pianist
Hillary and Jackie
Who's Eating Gilbert Grape?
Mystic River
The Bridges of Madison County
Dead Poets Society
In the Name of the Father
To Kill a Mocking Bird
The Pursuit of Happyness (It actually made me happy, more than it made me think)

Top 6 Best Disaster Movies

Outbreak
Titanic
Apollo 13* (The mission was a disaster...)
Armageddon
Twister
The Day After Tomorrow (The direction is so terrible this movie would never have made it on my list if not for the fact that it covered some of the most original, realistic, and relevant disaster topics known to my generation)

Top 8 Most Creative/Original Movies

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang*
The Royal Tenenbaums
The Matrix
Indiana Jones franchise
Stranger Than Fiction
Deja Vu
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Moulin Rouge!

Top 8 Movies with Most Memorable Characters

Indiana Jones franchise
The Godfather (Al Pacino--an actor has never looked so good)
Dog Day Afternoon (oh, is that Al again? I didn't realize that before)
The Matrix (Neo--enough said)
Fight Club(A great way to get acquainted with Edward Norton)
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (Just by the way Arnold flip-cocks his gun)
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Robert Downey Jr. at his funniest)
Disturbia (A great way to get acquainted with the young Shia LaBeouf)

Back in Life - a video worth watching

2008-08-19T15:25:00.002+08:00

Watching this video reminds me of my many friends who have helped me through different periods of my life. I thank them from the bottom of my heart, and I pray that I will come to know many more, because life is a lonely walk without companions. We need each other. We need to be loved.

For those of us who "cannot live without the help of others"... it's still important that we develop friendships that are not based on our neediness or the other person's pity for us. We like hanging out together because we love each other, and because it enriches our lives to understand and share each other's burdens. I hope Zach's life inspires you. As much as Zach does, however, I think Silas, the guy who directed this video, should inspire you too. Because it's not just about Zach. It's about Zach and his friends.

How to talk to me

2008-07-24T19:29:00.002+08:00

Hey people! Read this CNN article. I can't resist giving a shout out to all my friends: "Hey! Stop saying 'It's behind you' to me!"

Like... really, please... start saying 'You're wonderful' whenever you see me. Thanks sooooo much.

LOL. Peace.

Can you link all the superhero actors together?

2008-07-24T08:54:00.001+08:00

In the tradition of Six Degrees of Separation... try linking. You may use their co-stars and other movies to link everyone together.*

Christian Bale (Batman Begins/The Dark Knight)
George Clooney (Batman)
Val Kilmer (Batman)
Robert Downey Jr. (Ironman)
Tobey Maguire (Spider-man)
Christopher Reeves (Superman)
Brandon Routh (Superman Returns)
Edward Norton (The Incredible Hulk)
Eric Banner (The Hulk)
Hugh Jackman (X-Men)
Ben Affleck (Daredevil)

You're welcome to include other superheroes not listed here. HAVE FUN!!!!

* PS. I already did. You can too!

Diary entry

2008-06-27T08:04:00.008+08:00

I found the following words in my diary, dated Wednesday, March 20, 2002. It says

Diary is never meant to be read by another person, because diary is a reflection, and it's not your life I'm reflecting on. Biographies, at their best, seeks to tell the truth. I wonder if I'll be able to do it. Because the truth always carries at least a pinch of shame. Both in the truth itself and the process and aftermath of telling it.

Man! So much wisdom and so much truth! I can't believe I wrote that when I was, what, seventeen?

Dirty Harry

2008-06-16T12:44:00.003+08:00

I almost fell over laughing when I read Entertainment Weekly's review on the Dirty Harry DVD Collection. Here's the opening excerpt:

I know what you're thinking. "Did he see all five films in this box set or only four?" Truthfully, in all the excitement, I kind of lost track.

After all, the "Dirty Harry Ultimate Collector's Edition" features multitudinous scenes of mayhem as Clint Eastwood's .44 Magnum-wielding San Francisco homicide inspector Harry Callahan tracks down serial killers, terrorist groups, and rogue policemen.

It also boasts commentaries, documentaries, postcards, and a wallet containing a replica of a Callahan ID card. So you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?

Ah, classic. Here's the rest of the review.

The Incredible Hulk

2008-06-15T17:26:00.017+08:00

Considering I had never heard of the Hulk until Ang Lee's movie came out in 2003, I was quite surprised how much I looked forward to Marvel's production of The Incredible Hulk. I was never fond of comics--every superhero I know, I know them only from the big screen. But Edward Norton is a name that intrigues me--an actor who, I felt, has what it takes to introduce me to a whole new superhero. So after I recovered from the initial confusion and realized Marvel is rebooting the franchise (I thought it was a TV series when I first saw the trailer on YouTube months ago), I felt compelled to watch it, one way or another.

I have to admit, I went in with certain expectations and preconceptions because I had visited way too many spoiler websites before I saw the actual movie this morning. But overall The Incredible Hulk surprised me in several ways that I wasn't prepared for from watching trailers and digging its plot details in advance.

The first and most significant was probably how much I loved the storyline about the relationship between Bruce Banner and Elizabeth Ross. All along, I thought I couldn't care less about such a "cliché" love story because that is what every testerone-driven superhero story falls back on--a strong and powerful man breaking down in the presence of a beautiful woman. But love is never treated as a cheap commodity or a mere plot device in The Incredible Hulk. Instead, the Banner-Ross relationship is what gives the film its soul, and make the audience realize why the Hulk goes such great lengths to rid the monster inside of him.

Partly because of this human dimension so beautifully depicted, I felt like the movie loses its focus whenever Bruce transforms into the Hulk and begins to wreak havoc while combating the U.S. Army. Yes, the Hulk is his identity and it is why we have come to watch him. But the fight scenes are just a mess when there is nothing but smashing and hurling cars at tiny soldiers. Destructive as he is, the Hulk seems a little too unhuman for us to really care. Maybe monsters no longer intrigue or frighten young adults like me. That's why if you were to ask, I'd say the Abomination looks more sinister when he is still in human form.

In terms of my cinematic experience, I would say that The Incredible Hulk succeeds more on its dramatic merits than technical ones. Not that the special effects were disappointing, of course, or that this one long aerial shot of a hillside Brazilian village just totally blows my mind. My biggest complaint, instead, is the incoherence between scenes. While the story itself connects, the filmmakers seem to want to rush through minor details to get through to the next showdown. Did Bruce Banner really just teleported himself from Brazil to Mexico to the U.S.? And why did General Ross so readily consent to letting Hulk fight Abomination when he had just captured Banner minutes ago and threatened to put him in jail for the rest of his life?

These rather minor omissions add up after some time, and what I'm left with is the impression that the script is still not good enough--regardless of how much attention Edward Norton has gotten for having basically rewritten the whole thing. I wanted Liv Tyler to have a bigger role and more time onscreen, and I wanted Tim Roth to play Blonsky with just a little less of that cartoonish grin. Rumor has it that Louis Leterrier (the director) and Edward Norton disputed with the producers over the final running time: the former wanted a longer version while the latter wanted shorter. It only makes me wonder whether the movie would have been better if Louis and Edward had their way.

I readily admit that I was disappointed the rumored opening shot of Banner trying to committe suicide didn't make it into the final cut. They said it would be too intense for "kids". But in my opinion, the whole Incredible Hulk is too intense for kids. What I wanted to see was more emotional dimensions to the story. That's why I felt that the arctic scene, if left standing, would have given the film more depth in exploring the kind of emotional turmoil and isolation Banner experiences because of his condition.

Maybe the director's cut will come out on DVD, or maybe it never will. But I'm glad I saw this movie on its opening weekend because it was a good movie. I really enjoyed it. The four friends who watched it with me all said they liked the movie, so there you have it. The Incredible Hulk may not be perfect, but it sure was an incredible ride.

Summer blockbusters

2008-06-09T15:55:00.009+08:00

OK, so I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and really liked it. Now I'm looking forward to The Incredible Hulk and The Dark Knight. I don't know why, I feel like this year is a good year for three of my recently-discovered favorite actors: Christian Bale, Shia LaBeouf, and Edward Norton. OK, I know they've been around for a long time already, but it's interesting going back to watch Disturbia or Primal Fear for the first time and think, Oh, hey, he's good! So, yup, the summer heat is coming in and I can't wait to hit the cinemas again.

No way, Bale

2008-05-22T19:01:00.005+08:00

I can't believe it, my good pal Christian Bale is gonna be in the next three Terminator movies. Wow.

Thanks BBC for breaking the news.

Crimes Against People with Disabilities

2008-05-15T19:15:00.013+08:00

I felt a rush of disgust when I began to read a Quest article entitled "Crimes Against People with Disabilities." According to the article, most experts agree that the rate of violent crime is four to 10 times higher for people with disabilities than for the general public. Part of that statistic includes "hate crime" against people with disabilities. I was quite surprised. To identify myself as a member of the highest-risk group for abuse and violence is just unimaginable. But I soon realized that it was true.

The article blamed the society for holding double standards when it comes to confronting violence or abuse against people with disabilities: "Abuse and violence against [these] people is much more commonly accepted and less frequently punished than for other victim groups." Terms like "neglect," "euthanasia," or "professional misconduct" are often used instead of "assault," "homicide," or "battery."

The sad truth is that abuse and violence towards people with disabilities are usually less often reported, and few crimes end in conviction. These victims are also more vulnerable to long-lasting effects. According to one study, children with disabilities who had been sexually abused are significantly more likely to develop inappropriate anger, regression, and poor sense of personal safety than children without disabilities who had been similarly abused.

One reason why people with disabilities are easy targets for abuse and violence is because the abusers usually "recognize that they have a better chance of getting away." Displaced anger is another common trigger, where caregivers who are angry at more powerful figures in his or her own life redirect that anger "toward the vulnerable individuals to whom they provide care."

I have enough experience of my own to say that these situations do exist. While most people who know me may think that I am very independent and strong-minded, it was not always easy to exert authority over a caregiver when he or she mistreated me. Sometimes I empathize too much with the caregiver to the point where I say, "She must be under stress. I will just let it go this time." In a worse scenario, I simply do not have the physical strength to stop the abuse.

Just a few months ago my family and I had some trouble with my caregiver, and we gave her the option to either stay and change her attitude, or leave. She replied and asserted that it is all my decision: if I want her to stay, she'll stay; if not, she'll pack her bags and go. I remember how I had to refrain from shouting, and instead say calmly to her, "If you go, you know where I'll be? I'll be in this chair, waiting here all day, with both my parents at work, and no one to take care of me. You think it's that easy for me? I have to wait a month or two, or maybe more, to get a new helper. And I'll just fire you whenever I want to?"

Some people think it's easy to avoid abusive caregivers, but that's not always the case. For one, there are many out there whose only caregivers are their family! I have witnessed too many wives shouting at their husbands for being slow and lazy as they begin their routine in the physical therapy room following a stroke. When family members treat the disabled with little respect, few would expect better treatment from hired caregivers.

I can see that abusive behavior towards people with disabilities is an unsolved problem in my country, namely, Taiwan. With a growing population of foreign workers, many people with paralysis or stroke or congenital defects are being cared for by women from the Philippines, Vietnam, or Indonesia. While communication is sometimes made difficult by one's disability, more problems arise when the caregiver does not speak his or her language. In an Asian culture that does not have a very good track record on recognizing individuals' right to privacy, freedom, or human dignity, it is all the more difficult to raise awareness and stop abuse against people with disabilities.

It is human nature to pick on the weak--women, children, the elderly. But while numerous hotlines and shelters have been set up for these groups, so far I have never heard of an organization helping to combat abuse against people with disabilities. There should be more resources made available to both people with disabilities and their caregivers. Those with disabilities should know what their rights are and how they can look for help in case of abuse.

While we empathize with those who work hard to care for our daily needs, it is no excuse for abusive behavior. Whether psychological, verbal, or physical--abuse has to stop.

The instinct

2008-05-12T21:38:00.000+08:00

This is one of the times when I can write nothing but my story--when I could use my mother's computer in my mother's room, but I choose instead to take my laptop from the bedside table, pull at the tangled cables, and drag it across the room to my desk beside the window. Three thirty is not a bad time considering the sunlight won't be hitting the screen directly as it would have an hour earlier. It's a rare moment, a time I've been dreaming and planning for, when I finally convince myself that I would sit down and write--I've always sat, but I seldom write.

Where could the story of my life begin when it has all but hit a dead end? That I begin a story with no ending is absurd. I always work backwards: to get to a restaurant, to finalize my registration, to convince a friend that she should not have sex, yet. Those are simpler things, when enough energy keeps me going and distractions keep me scatterbrained. Unfortunately being empty is a state of mind I've become acquainted with quite recently. No school, no homework, no daily social situations to be fussy about. I could imagine the look in my eyes when people ask me a question and I'm too tired to answer. It is the reflection of a drifter, a homeless wanderer. Not stemmed in pride, nor in self-righteousness. A tint of shame, then seclusion.

If only human existence could be so removed from labor and sweat. If only it makes perfect sense to make this lifestyle the norm.

Nihilism was not what I was driving for when I took my first breath and decided that I should survive. That instinct, the sign of good health and resilience, was what saved me before I even knew my life was threatened. But instincts turn into inclinations, and inclinations into obsessions. After all the labor, the fighting, and the "chasing of the dreams," it seems as if that crucial decision I made as an infant turned out to be a fraud. It seems, as if, I am now as alienated from myself as I would be if I'd crashed my first course and given up trying when I was two.

Vanity, vanity. That I should have known before I took the first step. That just because I couldn't run doesn't mean I have to walk twice as fast as people who could. Take life a moment at a time, didn't they used to say? But then they told me I didn't have too many moments, and so I grabbed and lived a moment as if it were three. Lived life to the fullest! Except it wasn't mine.

So many things can be condensed into a single thought, and so many thoughts into silence.

Newly endowed title as the Activist for Cheaper Concert Tickets (ACCT)

2008-04-10T17:08:00.008+08:00

So there I was, already very upset the first time I called when I asked the customer service lady at Era Tickets if there were concert ticket discounts for people in wheelchairs. I had wanted to attend Andrea Bocelli's only concert in Taiwan on April 19, and the lady sounded as if she'd never heard of "special discounts" before. I got into a foul mood and asked sarcastically if it's reasonable that I have to purchase the most expensive seats in the stadium simply because it'll be hard to get wheelchairs up into the balcony. "There're no discounts, sorry." I wished I had slammed the phone down right then.

So when two weeks ago I called again to ask about Don McLean's concert in Taipei, I could feel my heart pounding and temperature rising as the lady not-so-politely explained that the concert venue is not wheelchair accessible anyway. I hadn't bothered to call when I heard about the James Blunt concert, and now they're turning me down again. She said I could probably get into the front area, but that means I'll have to pay $4000 when the cheapest tickets start from $1200. On top of that, my helper wouldn't get any discounts either. Oh right, that's really fair, I wanted to say. I asked the lady if she's sure the organizers are really not offering any discounts because of "safety concerns," or because they just hadn't thought of wheelchairs users like me. But I was on Skype and somehow the call was disconnected. I was angry as hell.

Not giving up, I quickly opened my gmail and wrote out a short but slightly passive-aggressive email to Era Tickets. Till today I have not heard a word in reply. Luckily, it somehow occurred to me as I was writing the email that I should forward the email to Taipei Government too. I did. The next day I got a call.

The lady at the Taipei City Department of Social Welfare told me that she had called Era Tickets and the concert venue, namely, the stadium at National Taiwan University. The staff at the sports stadium told her that as long as I inform the personnel when I arrive, there's a way to get me inside the stadium. Era Tickets was only selling the tickets on behalf of the organizers, so they gave the lady their contact number. The person who picked up the phone at the organizers' office (a Miss Wu) didn't know how to answer the social welfare lady, but said I could give them a direct call later and they'll try to sort things out.

So I got their number. Unfortunately by the time I called, the lady has left the office and her colleague said she'll call me back later. I left my number, but the next day was a holiday. By the next Monday I was so busy every day that I never found time to call them before 5 p.m. Then it was Thursday, and just before noon I got the call.

"Is this Elaine?" The voice asked. She didn't even explain who she was, but instead continued: "We just want to inform you that wheelchair tickets for the Don McLean concert cost $1200 each and are in the front area, on the North and South sections. There will be a seat for your helper. Just fax us the order form along with your disability card."

When I put down my cell phone I pumped my fists in the air and let out a shout. I fought the law, and the law lost!!!

By the way, if you go online now to order the Don McLean concert tickets, you'll see this line below the order sheet:

Important Notice: There are no actual seats for wheelchairs. It is open only to wheelchair users and one companion (order directly from Era Tickets only). General public please do not purchase, thank you.

I am still not quite sure if I'll go, because it's in Taipei and my parents are rather busy. But I had to put this on my blog and share it with my friends. You have no idea how difficult it is for people with disabilities to get justice even today. I could have exploded into a thousand pieces if the lady at the Department of Social Welfare had not pursued it with such vigor. On behalf of all the concert-goers in wheelchairs, I say "Thank you Miss Su M. W. You make us all proud."

Philosophy of Life

2008-03-12T19:57:00.003+08:00

The most important thing is to live, not driven by bitterness, public, opinion, or greed, but by an innermost desire to thrive like an adventurer, tirelessly journeying on a quest to find the Spring of life. It is a journey of shedding the old self and seeing ever more clearly the reflection of who I am, what others need, and why God loves us all.

"To God I give my life" is my personal motto, and it is the principle I strive to live by. I want to live and work and experience life both in the way God wants me to, and in the way He wants all humans beings to. Each life appears on several scopes of schemes, and thus the meaning of life is found in multiple definitions and footnotes. Though I fail--and fail even more as I try harder, it is the range of multidimensional perspectives that I've come to love.

It's the notion that I can keep God's commandments in the most traditional ways yet still have the surest fun and joy and laughter. It is being so sure of one's way of life as one pleasing to God, yet knowing full well that I am nothing without the grace, mercy and compassion of others, and of Christ. It is in striking this balance that I hope to continue my life. Otherwise, this journey is just a serial bouts of interspersing joy and pain that have oftentimes proved too miserable and hopeless.

Where do I see myself in 10 years' time? To be sure, two friends talking with me one day were shocked when I answered that question in one word, "Dead." I have lost the naivety to believe that my body will always hold out beneath me, yet at the same time I have never lost the conviction that life is worth the living and there is always hope in seeing another beautiful day go by.

How do I want people to remember me? As a girl who loves to think, to ponder, to wonder, and to taste the sweetness of life, even in the face of bitter truth. My vision in life is to reflect the love of Christ when He said, "I will not leave you like orphans."

- Elaine 2006 Spring
SWAU Sorke Philosophy of Life project

Today is the first anniversary of the passing of my aunt Nancy. I thank God for life.

80 Years of Best Films

2008-02-28T20:28:00.010+08:00

In honor of the 80th Academy Awards, I decided to go over the Best Films of the past 80 years and see how many I've seen. The result? 23 out of the 80 Best Films. If I count all the nominees in that category, then I've seen 64. The most recent being Joe Wright's Atonement, and the oldest Gone With the Wind, the classic released in 1939.

There are some movies that I didn't even know were Best Film nominees. Anyway, here are some of the most memorable:

Atonement : a tale of a tale

2008-01-25T12:01:00.002+08:00

I still haven't decided whether it's okay for the audience to know the ending before watching Atonement, the Golden Globe best picture starring Keira Knightly and James McAvoy. Because in this otherwise epic story about a pair of lovers in a war-torn Europe, the twist in the end is the very essence that makes this film transcendent. But the twist can also put off some movie-goers, the same way one's annoyed when his steak turned out differently from what he saw on the menu.

The movie is really, among many things, a one-hour-and-fifty-nine-minute long trailer for Ian McEwan's novel. Because regardless of the questions and messages it tossed to the audience before the credits rolled, the dominant feeling I got was this: go and read the novel.

Despite the suggestion of the movie's title (and the novel it was adapted from), Atonement is surprisingly free of any religious connotations. There were literally few or no symbols of repentance at all, nor common notions of forgiveness and reconciliation. Of course there is a beautiful scene in which British soldiers gathered by a beach-side podium, singing a hymn with great passion; but that was part of a long tracking shot that simply underlined the dehumanizing nature of war. The church, too, appears only once in the entire film--the venue of a wedding which the narrator attends.

In essence, the movie is a very modern, secular take on the notion of atonement. On a superficial level, a person would leave the theater thinking that the moral of the story is this: "Do not lie. Because you will regret it for the rest of your life." But the movie does provide something more than a moral lesson.

In Briony's case, the only route she took to seek atonement was through her writings, yet it's pretty much up to the audience to interpret whether or not her sins had been atoned for. Because even though the elderly Briony clearly regrets the foolish acts she committed when she was thirteen, the biggest tragedy, perhaps, is the fact that she was never able to tell the truth to those whom she had hurt so deeply. The irony was that Briony's choice had determined her sister's and Robbie's fate; but it was fate that ultimately put an end to all her attempts of reconciliation.

Personally, I don't think Atonement presents a very bleak view of life. Instead, it leaves us with the notion that it is okay to not know everything. The brilliance of the story is that, by the time it finally registers in our minds, we're never quite sure whether we've understood the whole picture. Like Briony, we may never know, because we can no longer separate fiction from reality. Our memories fail us; our shame stops us from action.

The encouraging thing is that we still have the chance to share our story while we're alive. How easy it is to present a rosy picture of ourselves to others, but that's an unlikely path to atonement.

Without the brilliant ending, Atonement would be just another love story. But because Ian McEwan broke down the fourth wall and let us in to the heart and mind of a human being--the person we call "author"--the story breathes life into itself and becomes transformed.

There is really nothing more a writer can create other than what is already there. A writer, after all, is still a human being. What he or she can do is to tell a story so well, so clearly, you'd understand the truth beneath.

I recommend this film to anyone who loves literature, because you'll have to look closely in order to discover its message.

Gazans in a frenzy

2008-01-24T17:28:00.000+08:00

Yes, Israel's blockade on Gaza has sent Gazans "scrambling through the debris at the Rafah crossing," as this picture tells you. What amazes me is that this guy in wheelchair managed to make his way to the BBC frontpage. What is he doing trying to cross into Egypt? Couldn't someone from his family bring back whatever he'd been looking for? Of course, maybe, in very reasonable terms, he just doesn't want to be left behind. Because no one does. Right?

So kudos to his friends/family who carry him across the broken fence. "Long live the Pharaohs!" "I want to see the Pyramids!" Maybe he wasn't exactly thinking that, but I think anyone who makes it across the Egyptian border won't mind a trip around the ancient land.

Bring me there some time, just not over the broken fence.

RIP Heath Ledger

2008-01-24T11:28:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I went a full day without touching my computer, so imagine my shock as I navigated to the BBC website this morning and read the news: "Heath Ledger autopsy inconclusive". I could not believe it. As I went from BBC to CNN, I just said to myself over and over again, "Oh my god... Oh my god..."

I think he's the kind of "celebrity person" I admire but never really know much about, like Steve Irwin, or... actually, I can't think of another recent death that meant something to me as his did. It's the kind of disbelief you got when you first heard about the September 11th attack or the tsunami in Indonesia. Strange and disproportionate, you say, but nonetheless there.

A talented and promising actor, Heath Ledger. You will be missed.

Link: BBC News "Heath Ledger autopsy inconclusive"

One Heart performs "Days of Elijah"

2008-01-21T21:05:00.003+08:00

Seventh-day Adventist Thomson Chinese Church, Singapore
December 22nd, 2007

Except for Hong Qi, who sang the first stanza, all these people on stage are friends of ours when my family and I were living in Singapore. After being away for six years, it feels good to be back and see their talents blossom. Way to go, One Heart!

Happy New Year 2008!

2008-01-06T12:42:00.000+08:00

Moral: Know when to let go.

Into The Wild, written & directed by Sean Penn

2007-12-13T20:02:00.001+08:00

The Dream: A Poem

2007-12-07T09:00:00.001+08:00

Sharks ski in the plateau for money's townish gain,
Monkeys lark under the winter's gaze;
I drive away some country's lame,
and toil the lands as chocolate's game.
Gone wild aloof to bidder's crown,
skipped phrase akin to ladder's tail;
Which way they marched till world's a-fazed,
and come back a-weary with the summer's glaze?
This bed, untaken, for love-ish's saint--
Mine too, unravished, till the morning fades.

- Elaine

Going Back ("The Scientist" by Coldplay)

2007-11-24T19:26:00.001+08:00

Last week I visited my grandparents' hometown, Tainan, together with my mom, my caretaker, Ruth, and my grandpa. My aunt joined us there and took us for a ride the next day. It was a nice tour, and we got to meet some relatives, some of whom we've never met before. Here's the slideshow. Enjoy!

Pain and grumpiness as defined by Dr. House

2007-11-09T17:23:00.001+08:00

A maverick, genius, and a medical expert with a disability and a drug problem, Dr. House would make a fascinating case study at any research institution. Not your regular doctor in the neighborhood clinic, he pushes everything and everyone to their limits with his cunning sense of humor and dead-on precision in diagnosis. Their ethics, decisions, and rationale--his colleagues and his patients are constantly challenged to rethink all of these--because of his persistence.

Pain
But Dr. House is the epitome of pain in the world of television names. Being miserable is not the only thing that defines this fictional protagonist on the Fox television series. Yet, not too strangely, the idea of pain--the physical one in his leg and the lack of sympathy for that of others--became the one single trait that distinguishes him from all the other "TV doctors". Some people say his characteristic grumpiness stems from the inconvenience of his crippled leg; others say his demeanor is really just a cover-up for the real inner pain he experienced with those he loved.

What makes House MD so watchable, though, is how much humanity we see despite the lack of its expression. It is about how far House would go to find the truth regardless of social expectations. He once asked defiantly if the patient would care that he was more interested in solving the case than saving her life. There was no answer. But he said what others dared not say, and did what others could not do--and sometimes, it seems, that is all they should ever ask for.

Grumpiness

I assume people don't associate me with the word 'grumpy' because I am so calm and rational in my everyday encounters. But sometimes the voice at the back of my head tells me, "Yes, you are one grumpy, miserable soul, just like Dr. House." And I believe it--just as I believed most of what that voice had told me about myself: smart, sarcastic, and permanently crippled.

I don't find it shameful at all to admit that I can be very grumpy at times, because we all suffer those bouts from time to time; life itself is meant to make us grumpy. Nevertheless, being grumpy doesn't exempt me from fulfilling my duties and meeting the expections of the society. And so that's where I give in: that's why I learn to be grumpy inside and never show it.

House is unafraid of showing his grumpiness, but deep down I know it is only his pain in an articulated form. He does the unthinkable from time to time, breaking so many hearts and hurting so many's feelings in the process, that, by the end of the drama, we don't want to forgive him anymore.

But eventually we do. Because we know he's right, and because we know he is so much like us.

He is a doctor, a friend, and a human being waiting to be loved. He would make a fascinating case study--in anybody's life.

- - -

Yesterday I saw a clip from the show (Season 4, Episode 3), and I fell in love with it immediately. The artist, Alanis Morissette, is a Canadian singer and songwriter I admire greatly. To watch the two-minute clip, click here.

A Birthday Poem for Rachel by James Simmons

2007-11-02T10:36:00.000+08:00

For every year of life we light
a candle on your cake
to mark the simple sort of progress
anyone can make,
and then, to test your nerve or give
a proper view of death,
you're asked to blow each light, each year,
out with your own breath.

- James Simmons (Irish poet, 1933-2001)

History Today: Michelangelo & the Sistine Chapel

2007-11-01T12:49:00.000+08:00

Almost five hundred years ago today, Michelangelo finished the ceiling frescos of this chapel, in 1512.

The 19th century German writer, Goethe, said, "Without having seen the Sistine Chapel one can form no appreciable idea of what one man is capable of achieving."

Social Night at my House

2007-10-28T10:18:00.000+08:00

Last night, the youth group came to my house and we played the "Who-Am-I Forehead Guessing Game," where everyone gets a sticker stuck to his or her forehead, and takes turn asking yes-or-no questions until he or she guessed the name written on the sticker.

Here are what some people got on their foreheads:

Lloyd: The Godfather
Robbie: Mariah Carey
Lynne: Will Smith
Heather R.: Speed
Heather B.: Sherlock Holmes

It's really bizarre how people like to mislead clueless people.

1. Lyander's sticker: Jack & Rose (Titanic)

Lyander: Am I a person?
Group: Yes.
Lyander: Am I male?
Group: Uh...
Lynne: (with great emphasis) You're half male and half female.

2. Anita's sticker: The Matrix

Anita: Am I a movie?
Group: Yes.
Anita: Is my lead a white Caucasian man?
Group: Yes!
Heather B.: That's like, all the movies!

Towards the end, the group started giving hints because we were running out of time. Strangely, people started giving even more bizarre answers.

1. Katherine's sticker: "Coconut tree".

Group: You are tall. You are a living thing.
Katherine: ......
Robbie: You're plant material.
Katherine: Oh! Fertilizer!
Llyod: -_-|||

2. Benjamin's sticker: "Curtains"

Group: You can be found in this room.
Katherine: It's on your right-hand side.
Anita: (leans back on the couch with her arms pointing to the curtains) It's over here.
Rebekka: It starts with a C.
Benjamin: Ah, the couch!
Group: No!!!!
Benjamin: Chair!

In the end we only managed to play 3 games in 1.5 hours. There were 20 people all together and I'm not sure if we disturbed our neighbors a little too much. But it was a fun social night. See you next time!

Remember me

2007-10-16T11:52:00.001+08:00

The last thing I wrote after writing for 2.5 hours in Starbucks

2007-09-19T15:40:00.000+08:00

You're on your own, Elaine. Even if you've paid for the coffee and used their electricity. You're just a customer with too much time and no shame. [11:46 AM September 14, '07]

To all dog lovers in the world...

2007-09-06T09:18:00.000+08:00

Here's a video I found on YouTube that really captures the bond between two dogs and explains why we love them so much!

Watch this clip. :)

Ten things you may not know about me

2007-08-31T08:25:00.000+08:00

1. My favorite song of the moment is... Mandy Moore's cover of Rihanna's "Umbrella".

2. I collect... second-hand clothes that I don't like to wear.

3. I think... therefore I am.

4. I am most happy when... my relatives tell me really funny jokes over dinner.

5. I love... traveling.

6. I hate... people who don't care about other people's feelings.

7. I have lived in... Taipei, Nantou, three houses in Singapore, Texas, and Michigan.

8. A good movie is my therapy.

9. I am a cleaniness freak. That's why my table is covered in piles of junk and I still don't know where my watch is.

10. I love watching Ryan Gosling in a non-romantic role and I think I would get along really well with Keanu Reeves.

That's all, folks!

Reflections on "Excuse Me, Is This Your Mobile Phone?"

2007-08-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

To the Reader's Digest Editor:

I read your article "Excuse Me, Is This Your Mobile Phone?" with great interest. Recently I had the privilege to return something to a young man while I was on my first visit to Paris.

While admiring the Eiffel Tower from across the Seine, I saw a young Middle Eastern man and his friend sit down on the green grass 20 meters from me. Something slipped from his back pocket when he took out his wallet, but I didn't know what it was. As the young man sat chatting to his friend, I kept hoping he would notice it soon, but he didn't. When he got up to leave, I became anxious and told my Dad to go after him.

Running after him, my Dad found EUR$25 on the ground and returned it to him. He was very happy and thanked us before becoming lost in the crowd of tourists.

The reason I had to call my Dad was because I have muscular dystrophy and I couldn't walk. I'm glad he was there to help me do what I could not otherwise do myself.

I remember the incident with pride, because even though I was a stranger in a strange land, I knew I had done the right thing. After all, what reasons do we have, really, to not be kind to others? Everyone should try his or her best to help someone in need. Because from my experience, sooner or later we're all be in need of help.

Elaine

The Power of the Rice Cooker

2007-08-17T12:01:00.000+08:00

Have you heard of the power of the rice cooker?

I was sitting in front of my Mac when Ruth walked in and asked if I knew where the power of the rice cooker was.

Huh???

"The button."

Oh. I see. The power button of the rice cooker. For a second I thought I could write a novel on that.

My Video - Hero (Enrique Inglesias)

2007-08-16T09:23:00.001+08:00

Finally! This video was made last year during my first time taking the Metro in Taipei with my electric wheelchair. My brother went in for military service soon afterwards... so on his first visitation day, I made this video for him as a surprise. :-) Enjoy.

New Friends in Europe (part 2)

2007-08-02T10:47:00.000+08:00

New Friends in Europe (part 1)

2007-07-21T03:37:00.000+08:00

Inspiration - Paul Potts Singing Opera

2007-06-16T19:24:00.000+08:00

Watch this incrediblevideo.

Asperger's Syndrome

2007-05-11T14:35:00.000+08:00

Here are two young people sharing about how they live with a mental/cognitive disability:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbgUjmeC-4o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKzY3u_cUhk&mode=related&search=

It makes me wonder if I have aspergers too. I really can't tell if I'm just shy, psychologically affected by my being "different"m or really having something cognitively different. Bravo to the videomakers anyway! I'll make my own video someday. Someday....

The Question of how much you could have Done

2007-04-08T18:15:00.000+08:00

We seldom stop to think how much impact we could have on someone else's life if we'd just put our hearts and minds into it. Sometimes we are simply too occupied with ourselves to pay attention, and then we avoid thinking about others altogether so we don't feel the guilt deep inside us. But how long can you suppress these feelings? How long do you think it'll take before you wake up one morning and feel like a complete loser? For not standing up for what is right, for not loving someone deep enough.

How long will it take? Not long, I think. Because even for me, I wake up many mornings thinking just that to myself. When you get to the bottom of it, you'll find that guilt often stems from a sense of gratitude unbalanced by the act of giving back. We've all received so much, but often it is those who don't give back who feel the worst. Unless, of course, in the case that they don't feel grateful at all. If there's even a trace of morality and integrity in you, most likely your conscience will beckon you to do something.

Schindler's List, considered to be one of the finest films ever made, brings that message across in a terribly poignant way. The farewell scene at the end makes you realize what life is all about. After all, when those times of fear, courage, and compassion have finally passed, you're still left with just yourself--who you are and what you believe.

Have you done enough, with your life?

"This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern... for this."
- Oskar Schindler

Perhaps the first step is to recognize how fortunate and blessed you are.

Three Year Challenge

2007-03-22T18:24:00.001+08:00

To you, my friend! You can do it if you put your mind to it. Watch this!

A Glass Half Full - Inspirational Story from Reader's Digest

2007-03-02T21:58:00.000+08:00

I came across this article a few minutes ago in the Chinese Reader's Digest. I felt as if God had directed me to it to show me just how necessary it is for me to press on. The author, Danielle Bruce, a 28-year-old counselor from Melbourne, truly has a life story that makes her somewhat different from most other people. I can relate so much to her feelings---the kind of burden and dread that build on you from the constant reminder that you are DISabled.

Well, here's an excerpt. Read on!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like to think I’m normal, but I’m not. I like to think I can do whatever I want, but I cannot.

I remember the first time this reality hit me, as a skinny, energetic, ringlet-haired six-year-old. That’s when I had my first public seizure. At school. In the middle of the classroom. On the mat.

But it wasn’t until a few days later that I got an insight into how it would affect my life. I’d been given time off school and my cheerful mother was driving us home from a visit to the shops when we pulled up behind the school bus. It was the first time I’d seen my classmates since the episode and suddenly a number of them began pointing out the window at me and talking animatedly. We sat like this for a few minutes as I wondered what would happen next. Nothing did.

As we slowly drove home, my thoughts were in conflict. Part of me had decided to put off returning to school for as long as possible, but the other part knew I had to face my fears. It was the first time in my life I realised that I was different... (continue).

Out in the Country

2007-02-10T08:34:00.000+08:00

So, this is at Sun Moon Lake, a very most popular tourist spot in central Taiwan. This is one view of the lake.

This is another.

As you can see, they've made it quite accessible. I love the shades.

A bumper sticker: "No success can ever make up for a broken family."

The next morning I made up my mind that I would quit tapping away on my laptop indoors. So Leny moved my Mac out to the backyard. Loved it.

I got bored after a while, so I started taking pictures... this is just one of my many poses.

I loved the view.

The day was so beautiful I wanted to reach out and touch the sky.

Even my hand felt alive.

By the way, this is a wild vegetable I ate for lunch. (...just not this particular one.)

And I've finally proven to everyone that I'm turning into a photographer.

Later I visited the elementary school that I attended (Grades 1-3). Missed it. The building is now used as guest rooms.

I love this pic! Embracing the breeze... and you!

These trees are part of my childhood memories. I remember playing so many games during recess. Talk about growing old!

And, well, the unforgettable sunset... Till next time, my friend.

I shall see you again.

Full-time Assistant Wanted

2007-01-04T14:58:00.000+08:00

21 year old wheelchair-bound female student needing full-time personal assistant. Female only. Must be able to carry and transfer person between chairs. Location: A university in northern Taiwan. At least six-month contract. Monthly Salary Negotiable. Plenty of free time between regular schedules for assistance.

Duties can Include:

-Personal hygiene
-Laundry
-Errands
-Travel assistance
-Daily activities
-Grocery shopping
-Cleaning (general)
-Cooking (breakfast, lunch & dinner)
-Anything that is within reason!

Msg me if you're interested.

Globe-trotting assistant

2006-12-04T16:17:00.000+08:00

OK, so here are my latest updates for the travel plan in 2007:

1. I plan to take part in a global evangelism trip with my parents. We're planning to spend two weeks abroad as missionaries. The location has not been finalized yet but we already have a direction.

2. I'm looking for an assistant from anywhere around the world to go with us on this trip. You'll have to pay your travel expenses, but hey, this is one-in-a-lifetime chance. It's going to be awesome.

So yeah, not much, but it's a good start. I may start doing some radio stuff at my school but I'm not sure. Otherwise I'll go into more writing.

Till then... Good day and take care!

Mumbai Special Taxi Services

2006-09-10T20:47:00.000+08:00

I read a news article on BBC today about a man who is starting the first special taxi services for disabled people in Mumbai, India. It caught my attention because, coincidentally, starting Monday I'll make three trips on the Taipei City-sponsored van before the week is over. The van, fitted with a lift, will costs just 1/3 of the normal taxi fare.

I've been using the van service more now that I'm starting school, and it's taken me to shopping malls and museums when I run out of things to do at home. Though it's always very bumpy and somewhat uncomfortable to ride in one, the van has proven itself to be an important part of my social life. Without it, I am stuck at home, isolated from the rest of the world.

The program in Taiwan is relatively new, and not all cities have such services, but to think that India is just starting its very first specially-fitted taxi caught me off-guard. I am excited for the people because I know what kind of changes that will mean in disabled people's lives. I encourage them to promote and expand the service throughout the city and into other parts of India. It's a worthy cause.

It's a complex feeling to know that you are very fortunate even though you have a severe form of physical disability. I realized today how lucky I am and how much good there is that needs to be done. Let's make a difference today.

ARTICLES:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/5293366.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/2795603.stm

International Volunteer Programs

2006-08-27T10:03:00.000+08:00

Cross-Cultural Solutions

Asian countries to volunteer in: India, China, or Thailand

Volunteer Abroad (2-week program): $2,389

Intern Abroad (2-week): $2,689

Network for Voluntary Development in Asia

Join a Workcamp!

Countries & Links

iVolunteer (India)

Fees: $280

Organization responsible for: placement, orientation, finding the right accommodation, airport pick-up, feedback

Volunteers responsible for: airfare, VISA cost, boarding and lodging, traveling within India, medical insurance

National Volunteer & Philanthropy Center eMatch (Singapore)

Together

2006-07-14T10:48:00.000+08:00

These are two videos about a father-and-son team. Watch to believe that life is still worth living.

The story of Dick and Rick Hoyt
Together
Can

Today I pray for peace

2006-07-14T10:14:00.000+08:00

Today I pray for world peace.

Not for the political leaders, not for the conflicting nations, but for the people. I pray for you.

When life is so short, how can you keep on fighting? When life can be so beautiful, how can you kill?

Pause in your footsteps today and think about your life. A better world can exist without the bloodshed, but it takes wisdom and dedication and heart full of compassion.

Instead of anger, choose peace. Instead of bitterness, choose forgiveness. That will be the beginning of a lifelong journey.

When you choose to embrace life, you will find that we are all in need of one another. An orphan is without his parents, whether he is Arab or Jew or Caucasian or Indian. A heart can still rejoice, whether it is in health or in sickness or in pain. It's only by friendship that races cross their respective boundaries, colors forget their labels, and classes begin to dissolve.

Be a friend today. Make this world a better place.

Resources

2006-07-11T20:27:00.000+08:00

Here are some resources for planning purposes:

Japan Rail
Welcome to Taiwan
Travel Thailand and Make a Difference
Discover the Philippines
Uniquely Singapore

Picture: Phra Nang Beach. (Photographer: John Elk III) © Lonely Planet Images

The Asian Trip Project

2006-05-28T18:00:00.000+08:00

So, I am still planning my trip around Asia. I know I must be out of my mind, because I have muscular dystrophy. More than that, I must be out of my mind, because Asians don't travel in Asia.

But I am sticking with it. Why? Because if there are a million people around me doing the same thing the same way, I would rather be that one in a million who does it differently. Having congenital muscular dystrophy, after all, is like having won the jackpot. I know what it takes to be different.

So here are some ways you can help. The "Internet people" offered these ideas:

1. Coordinate trip details - arrange accessible transportation or accommodation for me and my travelling companion

2. Donate your Frequent Flier mileage - to sponsor our air tickets

3. Offer information from experience - tell us about places/people to visit/contact

4. Invite us to speak - at your school, community center, or church for us to do presentations on life and education (or other topics). We would love to do that!

5. Introduce us to your friends - if you have friends in Asia, introduce them to us! We would love to meet them!

Mountain Climbing

2006-05-15T19:54:00.000+08:00

I was listening to the audio book, Into Thin Air, recently, and the sheer danger of high altitude climbing is just unimaginable. But I wonder, is there any way someone with muscular dystrophy can go mountain climbing, even at low altitudes? I would like to try that.

My condition:

- fully wheelchair-reliant
- severe contractures in four limbs
- had undergone a major surgery on spine to correct scoliosis
- chronic pain in left hip
- regular physical therapy needed

Team work seems to be a paramount issue here. Into Thin Air, which recounts one of the worst disasters on Mount Everest, carries across a clear message of what happens when there is no unity and cohesion among a group's members. The division (or mere individualism) not only led to deaths that could have been prevented, but is apparent in the after-spat between survivors who criticized and blamed each other.

I can never climb a mountain alone. In fact, I cannot survive a day without someone else's help. But if you are willing to broaden someone else's horizon by lending a creative mind, let me know. You might just have stumbled across a project that's going to change my life, and yours as well.

The Girl at the Bus Stop

2006-05-12T11:49:00.000+08:00

She stands there, staring down the street with a blank look, a focused look, a tired look. Her books are pressed against her chest as she wraps both arms around them; a dirt-green colored bag slants across her right shoulder. It is hard to tell what her shirt looks like, but it's almost certain it resembles every other female uniform across the country---a buttoned shirt with a pocket, matched with a pleated skirt. Black socks rise to just beneath her knees.

A pair of glasses with a black, rectangular frame sit upon her nose, which may explain why she has a focused look. A student, after all, is meant to look studious, serious---disciplined. Even when she stands waiting for the bus. At attention! What a thought. I searched my mind to speculate what the girl might have been thinking. She may be new here, like me. That's why underneath that poised look she betrays a sense of insecurity, so exhaustively disguised. But more likely she has been standing there for the two-hundred-and-twenty-second day. She had stood there every single morning. To catch the bus, to catch her breath, to catch a glimpse of her promising future.

Maybe someone told her she should wait there for the forty-second bus. It runs through Nang-Gang and will bring her to her school. But now the fifty-second bus pulls up against the bus stop, two passengers alight, and the driver pauses to find that no one is getting on. The door closes and the rest are whisked away, all staring out their windows with an almost pitiful look at those left behind. Blank, focused, yet unmistakenably tired.

Who will bring her to her destination? The girl, for the first time, shifts her legs as if to regain her comfort zone. Her gaze drops but it comes up again. It is all right. Her bus will come.

What I want to do with my life

2006-05-12T10:16:00.000+08:00

1. Take the transfer exam here in Taiwan to start sophomore year in college.

2. Study.

3. Travel around Asia with Tiffany before August 2007.

4. Visit at least 3 countries during my Asia trip.

5. Make my house more accessible: drinking water, personal hygiene, bathroom entrance, light switches, and the bell.

6. Begin a long-term documentary/journal centering on life in Taiwan.

7. Create a life-long international address book.

8. Create a life-time health plan covering physical therapy, pulmonary function, cardiovascular function, and possible changes in physical condition.

9. Seek peace within the immediate and extended family through education and communication. (very difficult)

10. Monitor spiritual progress through spiritual partners, prayers and daily devotion.